Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Time to change the logo

Here’s a tip: If you wash the grungy film of dirt and build up off of your windows, the whole world becomes bright and green surprisingly, even on a late, gray, rainy afternoon like today. The grass outside has that electric look that comes in the evening. (I love my grass.) With the blinds open and pulled up, and with the windows wiped to perfection, I can see all the wonders of the great outdoors incredibly clearly, but unfortunately the extra light shines a spotlight on the dust collecting like a light snow build up on my furniture. And the spots on the carpet, why they seem more numerous than ever. Hmmm... maybe clean windows have something to teach me.

The window repair man just left a bit ago. Otherwise, why would I be cleaning my windows, right? Once I was able to close the window, I was thrilled to be able to wipe the thick grime off and see again. Oh and I just wanted to let you all know I have decided to take up a new vocation... I am going to repair window cranks on old Florida windows for a living from this day forth. That’s right, I just decided. Can you picture me with my drill in hand, my can of alumi-whateveritwas and maybe a tool belt for effect, oh and maybe some work boots just in case. Now remember when I repaired my own windows before, how it was with much struggle and short-lived results, well, come to find out from my repair guy, the people at the hardware store had supplied me with the wrong crank. No wonder the windows wouldn’t close and the job was nearly impossible! Well, now that I know I was wonder woman and the job could have been a piece of cake with my skills and the right parts, I’m gonna be rich.

So the repair man removed the old (wrong crank) and replaced it with a correct new one. I watched the process, taking sharp mental notes so I could make sure my technique is on target for the other one that has the wrong crank and can’t be opened without breaking. His visit lasted a mere half an hour and I am now $99.82 lighter in the checkbook. I don’t intend to pay another $99.82 for the other window. I will do it myself now that I know the name of the correct part: It’s the Miami somethingorother. Ok, I don’t exactly remember the name of the part because mental notes, even sharp ones, aren’t written in indelible ink. But I remember that it was two words and the first was Miami. It’ll come to me. I am sure of it. The part, which he told me I could purchase for about $12, cost me $28 today, and his time cost me something like $71. Add tax, and waalaaa, a huge bill for a little work, which is exactly why I had cellophane covering my windows for about 5 months. Yes, it was five months, OK?! (At least five months.) Well, now that I know that I was doing everything right but with the wrong part, I too can begin raking in $140 an hour instead of the pittance I bring in right now slaving over videos for hours on end, stressing and obsessing for little cash. Forget that, from this day on I present myself, Liz, window repair chick. Let some sucker pay me $99.82 for a half an hour. Ah, but, only call with broken window cranks exactly like mine. Otherwise, we might have a little problem and projected profit margins may decrease slightly. But if all goes well, I may need to change my logo from my imageremix flower to something new to reflect my new calling. Perhaps something reminiscent of a female Barney Fife with a tool belt instead of a holster.

Now if I could just figure out the physics of washing machine drainage. See, what good is a new washer if the drain tube overflows at the beginning of every rinse cycle. I never had that problem before. It only happens at the beginning of the first spin and is the very worst at the beginning of the second spin. The water can’t drain fast enough to avoid running over and under the washer and across the floor til I stop and start the washer a zillion times till the force recedes. Someone with physics sense please respond and give me a clue. I have tried holding the hose higher, crimping it, pushing it in farther, all to no avail. Is there any hope? I can’t stand at the washer forever waiting for two rinse cycles per load. I was up until 12:15 doing that the other night. Heaven knows I want to be rid of my rig queen title and have things that just work for a change. Somebody? Anybody? Is there hope, can you help?

3 comments:

  1. I'm sure this isn't the advice you're looking for, but you could always join me at the laundromat. I'm heading there in just a minute. And for the record, I'm sure there are many, many miami-whatchamacallits in Lake Park alone, enough to keep you busy for a long, long time. And also for the record - I miss you!

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  2. I miss you too. I saw Judy's photo of you painting and it made me miss you more. And her little place looks darling! Can't wait to see yours.

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  3. And forget the laundromat. I just spent 400 bucks on a washer, I'd like for it to function properly, you know.

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