An Alternative to Combat

Screaming into a pillow, while it doesn’t top the charts as the hottest alternative to combat, does have merit. I’m past the urge to lash out at the moment, so I feel like I can rate this coping mechanism with some objectivity. I’m giving it an 8 or 9. It cuts through fury in a tidier way than either verbal or physical assault. I wouldn't condone either.



While I can’t speak for physical assault, as I have not employed this tactic since possibly when I was a kid fighting with my brothers and sisters over tv channels, I do have an extensive track record with yelling. Yes this is unfortunate, but true.

Yelling into a pillow makes so much more sense when the emotion just has to come out and you’re trying desperately to practice patience, turning the other cheek, or if the intended target is not within earshot. If you scream into a pillow you won’t find yourself regretting the hurt you’ve caused when you see the effect of your words afterward. That can be so ugly, like staring blankly at a craft project you’ve just made with your own hands, embarrassed that you’ve never progressed any further with your skills than you had in first or second grade. Plus, if you yell into a pillow, you don’t have to wonder how much your neighbors heard, what their critique of you would be and you never have to look back in hindsight thinking you said too much or wishing you’d have said a whole list of other brilliant things that hadn’t occurred to you in the nick of time.

Nope, if you’re a yeller, or a blaster or a spewer, I suggest you invest in a good pillow. Close the door before screaming though, there’s no sense in providing someone with a reason to brand you with an embarrassing nickname. After all screaming into a pillow looks really stupid. I said it was an alternative to combat, not image enhancement methodology.

See, one of the great things about yelling into a pillow instead of at someone is that after the first scream or two (three if you’re really ticked) your voice catches in your throat as you’re struck by the reality of how idiotic what you are doing is. It gives you a jolt of whatever the opposite of adrenaline is; a feeling that equates to having a really good yawn broken by a loud noise. Emotional standstill. Its a fix that almost fixes your desire to yell. Something like that. Or maybe it just distracts you long enough so that you can get past whatever landed you face first in a pillow to start with.

I know, you’re wondering... will the wisdom ever cease?

Or perhaps, more likely... you’re just wondering.